


Medorthophobia

by tzigane, Zaganthi (Caffiends)



Category: Smallville
Genre: Body Horror, Except Alien Style, Gore, M/M, Medorthophobia (The Fear of An Erect Penis), This Ends In Screaming, Vagina Dentata, and not the fun kind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:55:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21966028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tzigane/pseuds/tzigane, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caffiends/pseuds/Zaganthi
Summary: That talk his dad had given him when he'd turned thirteen? That had been totally beyond him. He hadn't been able to make any connections with the words that Jonathan had used, or the weird imagery. Clark figured that it might be because his father had a tendency to use a phenomenal number of euphemisms when matters of human biology came into question. It never bothered Jonathan when Clark came to him with questions of his own, but Clark rarely asked questions about other people. He'd learned long ago that his father would stumble over the words and then tell him something about horses and carts, and Clark would leave just as confused as he'd been upon arrival.
Relationships: Clark Kent/Lex Luthor
Comments: 17
Kudos: 29
Collections: Gundam Legends 05: Scriptophobia





	Medorthophobia

There were some things that Clark Kent had never understood.

That talk his dad had given him when he'd turned thirteen? That had been totally beyond him. He hadn't been able to make any connections with the words that Jonathan had used, or the weird imagery. Clark figured that it might be because his father had a tendency to use a phenomenal number of euphemisms when matters of human biology came into question. It never bothered Jonathan when Clark came to him with questions of his own, but Clark rarely asked questions about other people. He'd learned long ago that his father would stumble over the words and then tell him something about horses and carts, and Clark would leave just as confused as he'd been upon arrival.

Maybe he should have asked his mother the questions which desperately required answers, but he'd gone with the assumption that if anything was different about him, they would have told him by now. Besides, he didn't see how he could possibly ask either of them about this. His dad would have a stroke if he found out that Clark was thinking about kissing Lex Luthor, and his mom would never hide something like that from his father.

There was thinking of kissing Lex, and then there was finding a way to take the step from thinking to doing. Lex had women. Everywhere, every place Clark had looked, there were women clinging off of Lex's arms like evil limpets to the underside of a shark. It wasn't fair, because Lex flirted with Clark even when he had a woman glued to his hip.

Mixed signals. Maybe it was normal for humans?

Lana gave them, after all. 'I-want-Whitney' vibes, and 'Save-me-Clark' vibes, and even a few 'I-want-to-liplock-with- _you_ -Clark' signals, except it was just kind of weird if anyone asked him. Maybe he came from a race where no one understood the meanings behind all of those things. It was the only explanation Clark could come up with, but it didn't help him in the kissing-Lex department.

And worse, what did he do if he got past lip-locking with Lex? Quail that he was a virgin and expect Lex to hold his hand?

Never, his pride piped up at him. Even though it was probably possible.

Okay -- it was definitely possible.

Still, even Lex couldn't move that fast, right? They'd kiss, and then they'd do whatever it was that his dad had talked about sometime later. Eventually. Something about worshiping at temples, and Clark never had figured that out. It made about as much sense as the animal videos they watched in biology.

Lex wouldn't jump on top of him and wildly hump his backside, would he? Or hold his neck with his teeth? He hoped all Earth creatures didn't have similar mating habits. Of course, it probably would've been better to know what his own people's habits were, but Dad hadn't been any help with that, either.

"Son," Jonathan had said, "I'm sure that, uh, when the matter comes up, you'll do what comes naturally. Don't go putting the cart before the horse."

Clark was fairly certain that he couldn't do that. After all, he couldn't even figure out where the damned cart was. He was pretty sure, after much serious thought, that the cart was most likely in Lex's study at the castle, staring at Lex's precious PowerBook with grey-blue eyes that would be pleased if it was a good day and steely if Lionel was up to something again.

Which made him the horse. Didn't it? So he had to put the horse before the cart, or...

Something. Maybe he could just dash up to the mansion and see what Lex was up to.

~*~*~*~

"Hey, Lex," Clark greeted cheerfully from the doorway, peeking inside. "Are you really busy?" Of course he was really busy. Lex was always really busy, but he always made time for Clark all the same. It was just part of their banter -- Lex usually hung up on someone, or closed some file, and then smiled at Clark and said, "No," and asked how he was.

That was just what Lex did. Closed something out on his laptop, and smiled at Clark as he swiveled out of his desk chair. "Not really -- what's up?"

"Oh, nothing much." Clark shied away from actually telling Lex what he was thinking about because it was so much easier that way. "I thought I'd come over, see if you were up for a game of pool." Or maybe up to smooching Clark on the pool table. Either one was fine, and the glance from beneath black lashes probably told Lex as much.

Lex hesitated a moment, looking over his laptop before he shut it. "Absolutely, Clark -- I could use a break right now."

"Too much work?" Clark asked him. He wasn't aware of the eager puppy eyed gaze he was giving Lex, of the way his mouth trembled invitingly.

Probably.

He was aware that Lex was eying him with the same gaze he cast towards a particularly good cup of coffee, or an expensive steak dinner the couple of times Lex had dragged Clark to Metropolis. "There's always too much work, Clark."

"Then I can distract you." Distract him, give him brilliant smiles, maybe kiss him. Yes, kiss him, that was the thing to do, only Clark didn't really know just how to get there with Lex.

Hell, he hardly knew how to get there with Lana, and his dad had tried to explain that. Geez, humans were so complicated.

Lex's mouth quirked up at the edge while he sauntered towards Clark. "Yeah, you can distract me, Clark -- by all means, please, distract me. Grab a pool stick, and I'll rack the balls."

Whee -- Lex would be fondling things again. Lex liked fondling things. It probably was an obsessive compulsive habit, like Chloe's weird obsession with blow-pops that one time, or the way Lana used lip gloss, or maybe that weird thing he'd caught Whitney doing once (which probably explained that whole scarecrow thing a lot more than Clark wanted it explained, come to think of it). "Sure," Clark agreed happily, fetching one for himself and getting Lex's favorite for him. Lex was bent over the table, putting the balls in the little triangular THING. It had a name, but Clark could never remember it -- it wasn't like that was important.

Smooching Lex was a whole lot more important than that.

And maybe watching his ass sway. Just slight shifts, but it was there, just like the way Lex's fingers lingered on the balls before he put each one precisely in its place. "Care to break?"

"Huh?" Clark asked, before he realized just what the question was. "Oh! Oh, um, sure, Lex." He gave a smile, hoping that it was enough to distract the bald businessman. He didn't figure it was, but sometimes Lex let him get away with things.

Lex paced away from the table, smiling slowly to himself as he circled around Clark. Like a vulture on road-kill, or a really hungry barn-cat circling a cricket. "Something on your mind, Clark?"

"Um. Maybe?" It was more question than statement, Clark's eyes large and hopeful. "I was thinking, and I'm sort of confused, because Dad didn't explain it so well, and I didn't know."

"Not to belittle your father, but maybe if you were told it from a different perspective you'd understand it better," Lex offered to him.

"Well, see, there was this thing he was trying to explain." And how did Clark say what it was when he was damned if he could figure it out? "I don't exactly know what it was."

"Ah. What sort of words was he using -- maybe I can help you figure out what he was trying to say. After all, my own father sometimes requires a couple of dictionaries and some psychology books to make sense of," Lex muttered dryly.

"Well, he was trying to explain. kissing," Clark muttered. "And. Um. Things. That go with kissing. And stuff."

"The old birds and the bees speech?" Lex asked, while he picked up a cube of blue chalk to rub it with slow sensuality over the tip of his cue. "You mean you don't know about sex already?"

"Um." Well, THAT was pretty blunt. "You mean those classes that we had in seventh and eighth grade?" Yeah, probably those. "I didn't get to take those," Clark admitted. "I mean, my parents wanted to explain it themselves, so I didn't get to go to them, and uh..."

"And, you didn't learn anything by watching the farm animals? Clark, I don't know whether to be shocked or astonished." Lex was leaning on the pole as he looked at Clark. "I know you have a computer, and internet."

"But I'm not supposed to look at stuff like that," Clark protested. "So. Um. I don't. Besides, Dad takes care of the cows, and it's not like I really understand how chickens... You know." His cheeks were red as candied apples, eyes studying the floor. "And I think Dad left out some things. You know. Like why the cart goes in front of the horse and something about hay."

"Or you're mixing metaphors." Lex quirked an eyebrow. "Would you prefer I tried to explain it, or just took you up to the rec room to watch some porn?"

The mere suggestion made Clark an uncoordinated mess, the pool cue falling as he tripped over his feet and landed face-first on the floor. He was incredibly lucky he didn't splinter the perfect parquet. "Not porn," he squeaked.

Lex startled, but bent down and pulled at Clark. "Are you all right?"

"You startled me," Clark accused. "I'm not old enough to watch porn."

"Yes you are -- if you have a working dick, Clark, you're old enough to watch porn." Lex pulled him upright, then bent to pick up the pool cue. "I can't imagine being in high school and not knowing."

"It works" Clark protested. It did work, he peed out of it at least thrice a day, usually more like six or seven times. That's what dicks were supposed to do, right? "It works like normal ones." He was getting confused. How did they get to whether his dick worked or not from wanting to figure out how to kiss Lex?

Well. Maybe it would've been easier to get to kissing Lex if he hadn't just had to be pulled up off the floor by him. "Then I don't really know what there is to explain, Clark. He wasn't trying to tell you how to put a condom on, was he?"

"A what?" Okay, maybe coming to Lex wasn't the best idea. "I don't know," he admitted miserably, laying down the pool cue. He hadn't broken it, at least. That was something, since the conversation was so embarrassing. "Maybe I should go."

"No, hold on, Clark." Lex was so damned laid-back about it as put a hand on Clark's arm. "You can talk to me, Clark. You know that -- just tell me how I can help you."

And how did a guy say he wanted to smooch on his friend? Lip lock. Maybe even get a little bit of tongue, and that made Clark's tummy go all squirmy. "Maybe you could..." He gulped. "Show me?"

Lex had eyes that went as bright and shiny as glassy marbles, or at least they did for a few seconds. "Show you on a diagram?"

Clark's protesting mew was so pitiful that it nearly couldn't be believed. "...nnooooo. Maybe I should just go home," he offered again, cheeks the color of ripe persimmon.

"Or do you want a more hands on learning experience?" Lex stepped towards him, like he were a prize-fighter going in for the killing blow. And he was smiling.

"Lex!" From pathetic little cat sounds to outright pouting, Clark couldn't help himself. "You're teasing me. That's just not right."

"Why do you think that I'm teasing you?" he asked seriously, trying to catch and hold Clark's eyes.

"Because a diagram wouldn't be any help at all," he decided.

"Then you do want a more physical lesson?" Lex countered easily, still smiling at Clark.

"Um. Maybe?" Oh, yes, yes, he did, and wasn't it so nice of Lex to just give Clark what he wanted without Clark outright having to say so? Yes. Yes, it was.

"Just maybe? C'mon, Clark. I'm another guy, and I'm certainly not your father. You can relax about this with me." Because he was putting the cue stick down, and smiling that predatory smile as he leaned in nearer to Clark.

That predatory smile really did interesting things to the butterflies in Clark's tummy. "So," Clark whispered, lashes fluttering low. "You're going to show me all about the cart and the horse and the hay, right?"

"The hay in particular," Lex agreed, leaning in to almost kiss Clark. Almost, as if he were letting the decision rest on Clark's shoulders.

With a sigh, Clark leaned in and pressed his lips to Lex's. _Hello, butterflies,_ he thought.

Maybe learning about the horse and the cart and the hay wouldn't be so bad after all.

~*~*~*~

Clark shrieked like a girl.

Clark shrieked like a girl who had just found a big, fat, hairy spider in her favorite pair of Mary Janes.

Clark shrieked like a girl who had just found a big, fat, hairy spider in her favorite pair of Mary Janes and that great big fat hairy spider had just rushed up her leg into her ruffled panties to dance around in them.

"Oh, my god! What is that?"

Lex felt like smacking him. Hard. But he just stared at the well muscled farm boy who was staring at his crotch like it was a fucking alien. "It's a penis, Clark. You know, you have one, too?"

"It doesn't do that!" That lovely voice was reaching a soprano pitch with the ease of a twelve year old boy. "Oh my god, Lex, what's wrong with it?" Terror combined with pity as Clark reached up and clapped his hands over his eyes, beginning to hyperventilate just a bit.

It was scary.

It was really scary.

It was peeking at him and nodding its head at him or something like that, and Clark's... Well, Clark's Just Didn't Do That.

"I hope you're fucking joking me, Clark. It's an erect penis. It's hard. It's hard because of you, because you kiss like a beautiful slut and have the body of a Chippendale's dancer."

"Oh my god," Clark moaned. "This is what Dad meant about the horse. I didn't ever think he meant literally. I don't want to be the cart, Lex. I can't hold the hay!"

Kissing had been great but, that? No. No, no and no again. It was jutting out of Lex's beautiful hips, right beneath his cute belly button.

"Clark, calm down."

"I can't calm down!" Clark wailed, peeking out from behind his fingers. "It's looking at me. Oh my god, it's looking at me, Lex!"

"Fuck, Clark, it's not looking at you." Lex jerked at his pants, zipped them hastily closed. "It doesn't have eyes."

"It was so looking at me," Clark whined, tears welling up in his eyes. "My God, Lex. You didn't tell me that the meteor shower had done that to you, too. I-I'm so sorry."

"Done what to me?" Lex's voice was torn between a squeak and a snarl. "It's a normal penis, Clark. Christ, let me look at yours and prove it to you."

"No. The scary thing might be catching." Clark sniffled deeply, and damned if he didn't sound more like a three year old than any nearly grown man ought to be able to do. "I'm afraid of it, Lex."

Lex leaned forwards, put his elbows on his knees. He'd told Clark he was going to teach him about a 'blow job' and now seemed hotly frustrated that he wasn't going to be able to go on. But it wasn't Clark's fault that Lex had a scary penis. "Christ. Why are you scared of my dick, Clark? It's not that big."

"Well mine doesn't just go waving around at people and looking at them," Clark insisted on a sharp little sound. "Yours. Are you sure you're normal, Lex? I mean, it just. Mine doesn't. And Dad didn't say anything about it peeking at somebody."

"It's normal," Lex muttered, and he sounded offended., which wasn't what Clark wanted to do. "I've been with enough men to know it's normal."

Clark's answer blurted out, horrified. "But Dad didn't say anything about stuffing the cart with hay while the horse looked at you."

That lifted the ire from Lex's face long enough to get a puzzled expression. "Look, Clark, it doesn't look at you. That's a urethra, the hole you piss out of."

"It is?" Okay. It was time to get worried, because Clark's Just Didn't Do That, and Lex's did do that, so Dad had definitely left something important out of that talk.

And Clark was still scared by the thing that had looked at him.

"Yes." Lex leaned towards him again. "Let me look at yours."

"No?" Clark whimpered. Oh, his couldn't do that. Maybe there was something wrong with him and Lex would see and then he'd know and then Clark would be vivisected sushi because Lionel would find out, because Lionel always found out everything.

"Clark." Lex lurched towards Clark, slid his arms around him, and cruelly paralyzed him with a kiss.

"Mmmmph," said Clark. "Mmmmmm."

Highly articulate? No. But it was fairly to the point. Clark was effectively subdued.

Mollified, Clark was easily stretched back on the plush rug, and fingers stroked down his stomach to his crotch, going right for his belt.

"Leeeex." The word was a faint whine. "Lex, Lex. You're making my stomach flutter." Such girlish words for such a spectacular, sizzling feeling.

"That's good," Lex assured him, pulling back to kiss at the edge of Clark's mouth, the edge of his jaw. Everything was great as long as he didn't look at Lex's staring penis.

That Thing scared him clean stupid. That Thing was maybe even worse than meteor rocks, it was so scary. Maybe the only other penises Lex had seen had been meteor rock penises? Oh, wow, but Clark was so happy when Lex's hand slid into his pants. "Ummmm."

Into his pants and beneath his underwear, rubbing and reaching. "You're not hard," Lex noted and Clark swore he'd never heard Lex sounding mournful before that moment.

"I told you that it doesn't wave around and look at people," Clark said in confusion. "I think you've only met meteor mutants, Lex."

"I think you're full of it," Lex muttered as he clutched Clark's penis, rubbing his fingers over it gently.

"Full of what?" Clark asked him. "That kind of tickles." It wasn't doing much for his fluttery belly, though. Well, okay, it was a little closer to the places Clark liked to touch best, but it wasn't anything special.

Clark figured it was all good so long as the scary mutant penis didn't come crawling back out of Lex's pants again.

"Well, I'm not sure of that just yet." Lex slipped down, kissing at his neck. "Let me get you naked, Clark. I can give you an anatomy lesson on your own body."

"Oh. Okay." Okay, but it didn't matter how naked Clark got, he was still going to lack the mutant penis. To be honest, Lex's mutant penis made him weak. It made him jittery, and maybe it even made him a little queasy, like Lana's necklace, except it still felt more like trembling tummy to Clark.

"Good. Swear to me that you're not going to freak out again," Lex prodded, pulling his fingers up Clark's body to undo his jeans.

"So long as you don't let your mutant penis look at me again," Clark promised a little fretfully, squirming.

"Mutant penis," Lex snorted, still sounding disbelieving as he kissed down Clark's chest. "Clark, it's just a cock."

"That feels nice," Clark told him. The statement seemed a little dazed as he sighed, mostly because those kisses had some vague connection to his tummy bubbles. Yes, yes, it wasn't just fluttering, Clark decided, it was more like bubbles, like the kind he'd blown with a wand when he was a kid.

Never mind that Martha had bought him a big bottle of bubble stuff last week.

"Just don't let it look at me."

"I'll get it sunglasses," Lex muttered against his rib-cage. "Can't believe you've never had sex before. You're so fucking gorgeous, Clark."

"It doesn't have any ears, Lex," Clark protested, utterly distracted by Lex's commentary. It wasn't long before Lex's questing fingers made him give a Lana-like squeak of surprise. "Oh!"

"Oh, yes." A purr, as Lex squeezed his ass, then quickly divested Clark of his pants. He almost thought Lex had super-speed too, just for a moment.

Well, he had a mutant penis, so why not? "Oh, Lex," Clark gulped. Yes, yes. Flutter. Flitter. Quiver. Yes. "Ohhhh, Lex." He'd never felt those butterflies dance so much. Maybe they weren't just butterflies. Maybe they were woolly mammoth sabertooth butterflies. Doing an Irish jig with tiny tap-shoes attached to their little dangling legs.

Lex sat back a moment, and almost-openly stared at Clark's crotch.

"What?" Clark asked him, panting slightly. Oh, felt sooo gooood. It didn't matter right now if Lex had a scary mutant penis that stood up and peered at him through the slit at the end. Didn't matter, didn't MATTER.

Lex's fingers stroked at Clark's hip, and he just stared more. "Er. Clark. You're not hard, at all. I thought you were joking."

"I told you I didn't have a mutant penis," Clark muttered. "Yours scares me, Lex. You won't let it look at me, you promised."

Lex slid his other hand to circle around Clark's cock, rubbing and stroking testingly, still staring at Clark for some reaction. It felt kind of nice, but Clark decided that he preferred Lex's fingers rubbing his belly.

"Lex?"

"Yes?" He squeezed lightly, and glanced up to Clark's face.

"I know it's not your fault you have a mutant penis and everything. I still like you," Clark reassured him. "Um. But. I think it would be nicer if you rubbed my belly some."

"Your belly," Lex repeated, deadpan before he shook his head and slipped his hand up to do just that, rubbing gently. "That feels good?"

Ohhh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There were those sabertooth butterflies again. "Oooooh, Leeeeex." Liquid syrupy goodness, yes, having his tummy rubbed just like that, between navel and crotch. Rrrrm. Maybe it felt good enough that he wasn't so scared of the mutant penis.

Maybe.

Lex's fingers rubbed small, questing circles, from belly button down to the base of Clark's cock, small careful circles until they slipped in, and he paused. "Clark, you have a hole," the businessman stated, a slightly shaky deadpan.

"Doesn't everybody?" Clark asked in confusion, lifting his head to peek down at himself. Felt sooo goooood, and how could he come up with a better answer than that? He couldn't. Not when Lex's hands were doing That THING to him.

Lex groaned a little as he slid his two fingers in a little more, with such gentleness. "Fuck, Clark. I don't."

Short, quick breaths were his immediate answer, Clark writhing beneath him, pleading with his body for more. "B-but you have a, a mutant penis," Clark whined. "Oh. Oh, Lex. Oh, Lex, oh, Lex." Limited English, he knew it, but ohhh -- if everyone didn't have it, surely his father would have mentioned it. On the other hand, he hadn't mentioned mutant penises, had he?

Just horses and carts and hay.

"How... what's the biggest thing you've ever put in here?" Lex asked, a weird question as he kept stroking his fingers into that seemingly small hole. Still, even though Jonathan hadn't talked about the hole or penises much, he was pretty sure that Lex was the freak.

Yes. Because his parents would have told him if there was something not right about him. They'd seen him naked. Admittedly it had been quite a few years, but still. They'd have noticed. His dad would have said.

"My fingers. Oh, Lex. It makes me feel so..." Fluttery. Hm. Floaty. Like when he had the nice Lana dreams.

"Good?" Lex breathed, leaning forwards to kiss Clark's neck. "It makes you feel good, doesn't it?"

"Like bubbles," Clark gasped. It felt like bubbles, bubbles that were tickling up amongst his sabretooth butterflies. Add in Lex's kisses, and he was about to cross a line he'd never found by himself, that was for sure. "Lex!"

Another low groan from Lex's throat, and he kept moving those fingers, kept kissing. "Did you just orgasm? I can't tell."

"Ohh." Barely a breath, and Clark's pretty eyes were still rolled back in his head. "Oh, wow." Wow, wow. The bubbles were even better than the butterflies. WOW. "Um."

Lex paused his fingers, pulled back to look at Clark's face with a mixture of lust and curiosity. Which was a good thing -- at least Lex wasn't bored. "My anatomy, Clark? Nothing like yours."

"Because you have a mutant penis?" Clark asked him fuzzily, mouth spreading in a slow, lazy smile.

"I guess so," Lex sighed, as he stroked his hand up Clark's chest, and pulled those fingers out. "I think I know what mine is, but Clark? Not a clue what the hole is for."

"Really?" Clark asked him. "But I thought you knew about women. I guess you don't know about other guys, huh?" Since Lex had a mutant penis and all. Since all of the guys Lex had been this close to must have had mutant penises, too.

"I guess not." Lex smiled a little, kissed Clark's neck with slow firmness. "So can you get past that?"

"I guess." Clark shivered at the thought, though. "It's still pretty scary, Lex. So long as you don't let it look at me." And so long as Lex did that again. Hm, neck-kisses were good.

"We'll find a way around that," Lex promised. He shifted, pulling back to toe off his shoes.

"Maybe we could turn off the lights. It doesn't, you know. Spit out green stuff or anything, right?" There had been a flower that did that last month. Clark had been sick for days.

"You're murdering my ego, Clark," Lex told him, voice almost light and without question relaxed. He strode to the bedside table, and flicked the lights firmly off. "No green stuff."

Clark felt his skin flush. He could face the mutant penis.

"Um, you know I still, ah, love you, right? I mean. Even though."

"Mmm. Sure I do, Clark. We have a destiny together, a future. It doesn't bother me that you're a little... discomfited." Wow, Lex was taking it well all of a sudden, but Lex had always been that way -- a snap of his temper, and then he mellowed once he worked that anger off.

"Could you, you know. Kiss me again?" So that Clark wouldn't have to think about the scary mutant penis. Maybe it would detach from Lex, and crawl up his leg or something bizarre with the lights off. Maybe he was even more scared of it in the dark.

Maybe, just maybe, turning the lights off had been a BAD idea. "I'd be glad to," Lex husked before he pressed against Clark on his bed, pressed against him from shoulders to ankles, and kissed his mouth.

"Lex," Clark whimpered. Oh, the mutant penis was pressing at his belly, well, sort of. That little area between cock and navel, where the hole was that filled him full of butterflies. And bubbles, but he wasn't too sure about those bubbles yet. "Oh, Lex. It won't bite me, will it?"

The other man laughed a little, kissing slowly at Clark's jaw, neck, wherever he could. "No, it won't bite. It doesn't have teeth."

"There are some that have teeth?" Clark squeaked, eyes flying open wide in the dark. My, he had gotten lucky. At least Lex's scary mutant penis didn't bite. "Oh, Lex. Lex. Please. Oh, please, don't ever let me get close to the ones with teeth." And what if Lana had teeth 'down there', the way his dad had referred to things? Maybe that was what he meant about the horse? And you definitely weren't supposed to look those in the mouth.

Lex laughed a little as he shifted, rubbing against Clark in lazy, comfortable motions. "Don't worry, I won't. Let me try something else," he murmured as he kissed at Clark's neck, slithering slowly down the farm boy's body. At least that moved the mutant penis away from his hole.

That was something of a relief. In a weird sort of way, it made his bubbles burst, but it did nothing to the general fluttering of his tummy. "Okay." Okay because, wow, whatever Lex did was okay. Lex wouldn't let the mutant penis do anything terrible to him.

Lex was so good to Clark.

Kisses all the way down his chest, good, warm, happy kisses all the way down his chest, tickling at his belly button before he nosed at it, then edged his way down. Down to the hole between his belly button and his limp penis, mouth lingering at the edge.

"O." O was about the long and short of it, both the shape of Clark's mouth and the little hitched sound escaping him. He hoped Lex did that for a very long time. Maybe when Lex was done, he'd kiss Lex's hole like that, too, because even if Lex had a scary mutant penis, surely he would still have a nice butterfly hole.

The kiss felt nice, but better was when Lex slipped his tongue out, and licked the edge, fucking his hole with his tongue. He paused a moment, made a thoughtful noise, and then started again.

Clark was incoherent. He couldn't get a solid, graspable syllable out of his mouth, only muttered grumbles and groans that vaguely resembled words. It felt good, amazingly good. His brain was on disconnect. Wow. He wondered why his dad hadn't mentioned this part.

It could've been put down to the fact that his father was a relatively reserved man, and if Clark felt like whimpering, wow, he didn't want to know what his dad did if his mom ever -- ah, thought he didn't need to have, not with Lex tongue-fucking his hole.

"Lex!" Lex Lex _Lex_. Oh, wow. Yes, and there were those happy bubbles again. Clark was never ever getting out of Lex's bed again, and he didn't even care about the scary mutant penis.

Okay, maybe not, but still. He could get past that. Once his brain started working again.

Lex tapered off after his shouting, and nuzzled against Clark's belly. "You liked that?" he asked, voice a husk.

"Can we do it again soon?" Clark asked in a voice full of drifty pleasure.

"We'll do it again," Lex assured him as he pressed a kiss nearer Clark's bellybutton. "What did it feel like?"

"Really really good," Clark answered, almost cooing. "It felt like. Like." Like nothing Clark had ever known or imagined. "Like everything. Like. Like bubbles." Because the bubble was the best analogy he could think of, except they were bubbles filled with happy-don't-care-feel-so-good medicine and they painted his insides when they burst.

"If bubbles could feel good?" Lex pressed, and it was sadly obvious he didn't know what bubbles felt like. Maybe there was more wrong with Lex than Clark had thought.

"Oh, yes," Clark agreed. He sighed, feeling sad for Lex as he traced wide palms across Lex's back. Clark decided that he could be magnanimous, even if he was afraid of the mutant penis. "Would you like me to do something for you?"

"If you'd be willing to, I have an idea," Lex murmured, kissing against the edge of Clark's jaw.

"Anything, Lex."

"I want to fuck you, Clark." It sounded like half a suggestion, and half a warning, and did he mean to do it with that one-eyed thing? Lex nuzzled a kiss against Clark's mouth, and went on, "I've stared at your ass since the first day I met you."

What did his ass have to do with anything? And Clark still wasn't sure about that crotch critter thing. "O-okay," he wibbled a little, shivering. Maybe it was anticipation.

Maybe it was nerves.

"Are we moving too fast for you?" Lex asked, with sincere concern as he slid one hand down Clark's stomach.

"No," Clark hedged. "I just don't understand why my rear end has anything to do with it. Is it something strange because your penis is mutated?" he asked. Oh, it was painful to ask it -- after all, Lex's mutation was obviously his fault.

"Don't think so. You just have a beautiful ass, Clark," Lex murmured. Clark could hear a smile in his voice, and it got better when Lex's fingers toyed at the edge of his hole again, working in and out. "Just like you have a beautiful mouth. And gorgeous eyes."

"Ohhhh." And oh, and oh again, and wow. Wow, Clark was sorry that Lex didn't have a great hole like that. "Oh, Lex, oh, please, please, please." His legs pressed together, damned near forcing him to writhe on the bed.

Lex slid up, up against Clark's body so that his jutting mutant cock was pressing against the spot beneath the hole he was carefully fingering. "If it doesn't feel good, tell me," he husked against Clark's mouth.

"Okay," Clark whimpered. It was honestly the most coherent thought he'd managed since Lex started touching him that way. Oh, poor Lex, that he lacked such a delicious little hole. "Mmmnn."

Another shift of body against body, Lex rubbing idly against him, and the fingers pulled away from his hole. They moved up his torso, to tweak and rub at a nipple, but then something else pressed against his little hole.

It didn't seem to have teeth.

It did seem to be doing something quite odd, though, and Clark let out a delicious moan as he felt it slide deep into the grotto of his groin. "Fuck," he gasped, desperately rocking himself upward.

And Lex let out a stuttered, startled noise. "Oh, fuck, Clark -- you're like a vise, you--" He cut off Clark's exclamation with a slow kiss, an excited swipe of tongue over lip.

"So good, so good," Clark sobbed fitfully, flinging his hand up to press it against his face, trembling. It was mostly to keep himself from grabbing Lex and squeezing. "Oh. Oh!"

"Oh, fuck, yes, yes, yes." Tiny, almost delighted little grunts as Lex thrust and shifted. The bubbles in Clark's tummy suddenly swelled, a sudden, unexpected peaking of sensation and --

Lex let out a scream against Clark's mouth.

Faint squelching munches sounded in the bedroom as strong hands held Lex close, stroking his back soothingly as Clark's hole, innocent and sweet looking, opened up more. It bit at the flesh inside of it, and sucked wildly, hungrily at the remaining stump as if seeking out more blood.

"I'm very sorry, Lex," Clark whispered, kissing him with phenomenal tenderness. The fluttering was finally fading. Hay for the horse? He'd have to ask his dad about that. "It's just that I was so hungry. So hungry."

Now that the scary mutant penis was gone, Clark didn't have any reason to be reluctant about Lex. He wouldn't even have to think about the crotch-critter's presence when he was kissing the other man, who was surprisingly limp in his arms.

Maybe Lex was scared of his penis now?


End file.
